Authoritarianism

Authoritarianism2026-10-08

The Royal Auto-Reply Decree

Royal Phone Support (formerly known as Trump Mobile), by appointment to the Crown

Thank you for contacting Royal Phone Support. Your concern about "Section 214 authorization" has been received and is very important to Us. WHEREAS a senator hath asked who provides Our international service and under what authority, and WHEREAS the answer is "the Crown's authority," which…

"We have no team to handle this." — the king's phone company, to actual hackers. That's a real quote. #NoKings

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Authoritarianism2026-10-06

The Acceptable Losses Decree

His Majesty, King Donald J. Trump I (and Only)

WHEREAS certain cities of the realm, namely Los Angeles and San Diego, have grown insolent in their belief that they are "not expendable," WHEREAS the serfs persist in the subversive notion that the Crown's wars should not cost them their actual homes and families, a…

A president who calls your city an acceptable price isn't protecting you. He's pricing you. No kings.

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Authoritarianism2026-08-31

The Free Speech Zones Decree

His Majesty, King Donald J. Trump I (and Only)

WHEREAS the people have grown unruly in their demands for "democracy" and "accountability," WHEREAS such demands are a direct threat to the natural order of kings, billionaires, and golf courses, NOW, THEREFORE, We do hereby decree: 1. All protests must now be held in designated…

Meanwhile, 8 million Americans showed up to say "No."

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The Royal Auto-Reply Decree

The Acceptable Losses Decree

The Free Speech Zones Decree

Where do you come in?