Would not recommend being ruled
The King promised new roads. We got a new golf course instead. The potholes have potholes now. One star.
Healthcare plan is a scam
Paid $4,000 for a deductible. The King told me to pray about it. Praying did not fix my broken arm. The Crown took my other arm for non-payment. One star.
King took my vote and my will to live
Showed up to vote early. Polling place had been relocated to the moon. Called the Royal Elections Office. They said the moon is a beautiful place this time of year. One star.
The billionaire tax cut did not trickle down
King Elon got a $4.2 billion tax break. I got a $0.03 raise. Used it to buy a third of a ramen packet. The packet was recalled. One star.
Free speech zone is a parking lot
The King designated a Free Speech Zone. It is the parking lot of a shuttered K-Mart. You may speak freely between 3 and 3:04 AM. The K-Mart ghost told me to leave. One star.
Royal decree banned my meme
Made a meme about the King. The Royal Ministry of Truth declared it fake. The meme was a photograph of something the King actually said. One star. Also I am now sentenced to 10 years of loyalty oaths.
The moat has alligators and they are angry
The King promised a border moat of alligators. The alligators arrived. They are underfed. They have unionized. They are marching on the palace. The King is golfing. One star.
My boss is a duke now and he is worse
The King appointed my boss Duke of the Regional Warehouse. He immediately declared himself a god. The break room is now a shrine. The shrine requires tribute. Tribute is my lunch. One star.
King’s parade was just him in a tank
Attended the Royal Military Parade. It was one tank and 47 golf carts. The tank broke down. The King blamed the press. The press was not there. One star.
Royal weather service says it is not raining
It is raining. The Royal Weather Service, which is now one guy named Gary, says it is not. Gary has been told that rain is fake news. Gary is wet. One star.