The Serf-Funded Glory Decree

WHEREAS the royal treasury is depleted by wasteful peasant luxuries such as “public schools,” “clean water,” and “medicine for the elderly,”
WHEREAS the Crown’s magnificence deserves broadcast into every hovel in the realm, including during “60 Minutes,” “ABC World News Tonight,” and “America’s Funniest Home Videos,”
NOW, THEREFORE, We do hereby decree:

1. All peasants shall fund the Royal Ministry of Truth’s newest production: a commercial in which We walk down a hallway and vow to “liberate America from these villains once and for all.” Total cost: $20 million, collected from the peasants without asking.
2. The commercial shall air 9,679 times and generate 972 million impressions, until every serf in the realm has memorized the hallway walk.
3. Should a peasant judge in a black robe issue a “restraining order” commanding the ads to stop, the ads shall continue airing nearly 400 more times, and the Crown shall dispatch a Royal Apologist to say We did not get the email. The apology shall change nothing.

SO IT IS DECREED.