By royal decree
The Press Is Fake Decree
His Majesty, King Donald J. Trump I (and Only)
WHEREAS the Royal Press Corps hath persisted in reporting things that We actually said, which is the highest form of treason,
WHEREAS the phrase “fake news” has served the Crown well but must now be codified into law,
NOW, THEREFORE, We do hereby decree:
1. All news that is unfavorable to the Crown is hereby declared “fake” by Royal Fiat.
2. Only news approved by the Royal Ministry of Truth (formerly known as “the internet”) shall be considered real.
3. Any journalist who asks a follow-up question shall be sentenced to cover the Crown’s golf games for the remainder of their career.
SO IT IS DECREED.
They came for the press. Then they came for the voters. Then 8 million people showed up.