The Royal Donor Roll Decree

BE IT KNOWN throughout the realm that the Grand Ballroom doth stand upon the generosity of the following lords and ladies, each of whom requires absolutely nothing in return:

$25,000,000, from Duke Adelson of the Sands, in recognition of nothing whatsoever.

$5,000,000 promised, from Duchess Loeffler, who serves the Crown in its cabinet.

$2,500,000 in stock, from the heir Lutnick, son of the Keeper of Commerce.

$2,500,000, from the house of Herrera, whose patriarch pleaded guilty to bribery, then received a Royal Pardon in January. The first installment of $835,000 was paid in October. The realm thanks them for their service.

$1,000,000, from Lord Popolo of the Netherlands, given just after his appointment as ambassador and reported to no one.

$77,000,000, from persons or entities unknown, possibly anywhere, possibly anything. We simply do not ask. It is Our favorite kind of gold.

Millions each, from the Emperor Zuck of Metropolia and the tech houses of Microsoft, Palantir, Google, Amazon and Cisco, plus the coin exchanges Gemini and Coinbase, the vaults of BlackRock, and the cannon works of Lockheed Martin.

Any peasant who calls this a “conflict of interest” shall be reminded that the conflict is fake, the leak was cowardly, and the dance goes on.

SO IT IS DECREED.