The Drawbridge Decree

WHEREAS the Crown’s own court — Sir Elon of Twitteria, Earl Satya of Redmond, and fully three other immigrant lords — did arrive in this realm by the common drawbridge, and WHEREAS the drawbridge, having delivered the nobles, hath become “abused,” “fraudulent,” and far too popular with the wrong sort of traveler (the sort who seeks “a better life”),

NOW, THEREFORE, We do hereby decree:

1. The drawbridge is hereby raised for 180 days, or “as long as it needs to be,” which is royal for forever. Eight noble houses — Redmond, Adobe, and the six outsourcing guilds — are suspended from the Royal Registry of Green Cards.
2. Nine universities of the realm, including Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Brown, and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, shall receive Royal Subpoenas for the crime of teaching foreigners.
3. Any serf who points out that Earl Satya of Redmond himself once held an H-1B visa shall be assessed the standard Royal Fee of $100,000, payable to the moat maintenance fund.

SO IT IS DECREED.