By royal decree
The Royal Purchase Order of Diesel from the Realm of Our Very Good Friend
His Majesty, King Donald J. Trump I (and Only)
TO: The Royal Treasury, the Ministry of Truth, the shadow fleet of tankers
RE: Diesel, discount
His Majesty here announces a NEW DEAL with our dear friend, the Tsar of the East. 300,000 tons of diesel, IMMEDIATELY. Then 500,000 tons in November. Then 1 million tons, then 3 million tons, because when you find a good deal on fuel from the man your own Congress sanctioned last month, you buy in bulk.
Payment terms: unclear.
Who’s paying: do not ask.
Delivery: conveniently, some of it before the peasants vote on November 3.
Note to the Ministry of Truth: the Tsar’s war shall continue to be described as “the Ukrainian crisis.” The Tsar’s terror shall be filed under “various aspects of bilateral relations.”
SO ORDERED.