The Fireside Chat Deluxe™ Decree

WHEREAS a judge hath dared to ask why the King charges for announcements that Roosevelt gave away for free, revealing that this judge understands neither business, nor fires;

WHEREAS the King’s Ministry of Truth (formerly known as “the internet”) requires a gift shop, and the gift shop requires tribute of $60,000 to $100,000 per month per newsroom, which is very fair;

NOW, THEREFORE, We do hereby decree:

1. The Fireside Chat Deluxe™ is hereby established: all of the fireside, none of the chat, unless you pay. Tier One ($60,000/month) delivers the King’s Truths the instant they exist. Tier Two ($100,000/month) includes a machine that remembers the King’s posts after the King deletes them, which the King does often.
2. The Presidential Records Act is hereby declared heresy against the Ministry of Truth. The King’s posts are not records. They are inventory.
3. Any newsroom that sues shall be banished from the realm’s press pool and reassigned to cover the Royal Waiting Room, which remains located on the moon (still zero chairs).

SO IT IS DECREED.