The Acceptable Losses Decree

WHEREAS certain cities of the realm, namely Los Angeles and San Diego, have grown insolent in their belief that they are “not expendable,”

WHEREAS the serfs persist in the subversive notion that the Crown’s wars should not cost them their actual homes and families, a clearly unreasonable demand,

NOW, THEREFORE, We do hereby decree:

1. All cities that did not vote for the Crown are hereby reclassified as “acceptable losses” and shall be listed on the Royal Risk Assessment Board alongside gas prices and other trivial concerns.
2. The phrase “small price to pay” shall be the official accounting unit for all future Crown wars, with one Los Angeles equaling approximately four to six weeks of noble glory.
3. Mayors who suggest that the role of the Crown is to protect its subjects, rather than offer them to foreign kingdoms as bargaining chips, shall be charged with sedition and forced to fund their own city’s defense via bake sale.
4. The war shall be declared “over very soon” in perpetuity, regardless of how many months, years, or dynasties it may actually require.

SO IT IS DECREED.